I recently saw the question posted: What has OCD taken away from you?
I don’t like to think about things that way. There are things in my life different from how I expected or wanted them to be because of the way OCD makes me behave, of course, but no matter what kind of life it is there will be the unexpected and the unwanted. I don’t like to waste my energy imagining “My Life Without OCD” because, for better or worse, it’s there. I can work to make it more manageable, I can recover, I can be more in control of a life based in my values and my joys, but that doesn’t replace any moment where an obsessive-compulsive fear made me take a different turn. And I’m not going to waste my time wishing it could change those times.
However, if there is one thing about suffering with OCD that makes me angry it’s the time I continue to spend not doing what I love because of baseless fears. I’ve been afraid to pick up my keyboard or bass guitar for months now for fear of germs being on them. Not only that, but the exhaustion from obsessions and compulsions – how am I supposed to follow my dreams when I’m tired and down?
Of course, of course, this becomes a dangerous space for my mind. I start to obsess over thinking my life’s moving too fast and I’m doing nothing, I’m in the wrong place, blah blah blah – more obsessions! Obsessions about obsessions. And so I go back to reminding myself – I am not going to waste time wishing I didn’t have OCD. I am simply going to continue to do my best and enjoy every little moment of joy, every anxiety-free second, every inkling of self-confidence that I have.
After all, isn’t that what we’re all doing for happiness, OCD or not?
I wish you a joyful, safe, beautiful weekend; until next time!
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